Etiquette

Having been born just before the last quarter of the previous century (damn I am old) there are certain actions that I consider sacrosanct. The current crop of kids would probably not think twice about these actions or inactions. Let me give an example of what I mean. 

Saying “please” and “thank you” is built into my psyche. I say thank you to the valet, to the watch man and just about every one that I can thank for doing their jobs. This simple act of thanking the valets in the office complex goes a long way. I get first choice on where my car get parked and get preferential treatment when I want to collect my car and there are a bunch of other people waiting. I did not do it because I expected preferential treatment but showing respect for the job the valets do. Got asked by a kid a few years out of college why do I thank. For a generation that makes a big noise about equality I was taken aback by the question.  Made me think as to the possible reasons that simple etiquette is now lacking. I came up with this explanation classified into a few buckets. 

Self control - being thoughtful requires discipline and self control. One needs to think before one opens ones mouth. Most kids I meet today have no control over their mouths. It’s unfiltered without thinking what the possible impact could be. There is a place and time to be this way but not when you have nothing under the belt to show for. 

Empathy and Politeness- this is a mixed bag. I have seen kids that will showcase behaviour like holding the door for someone elderly, empathetic to the age; and have seen kids behave absolutely in an opposite manner, getting aggressive and or misbehaving with folks that are elder than them. Being polite was an essential part of everyday life for a lot of us and still is, sadly isn’t so for a lot of the younger generation. 

Narcissism - everyone has a bit of a narcissistic personality in themselves. the younger generation is more explicit about it. There is almost a wilful disregard for generational wisdom , wilful oversimplification of situations and a general disregard for anyone and anything not “me”.

An informal society - class distinctions have been eroded in the last 50 years. Gradually and rightfully so. This has given birth to a society that is more informal and the expectation is that everyone is equal and as such needs no special attention and or treatment. So in the example of the valets - the younger lot is essentially saying you have a job to do, “do it”; it doesn’t require me to say please and or thanks. 

The Net - kids now prefer to communicate in the online world. It’s texting, dms, reels etc. The physical one on one is missing for a majority of the time. They have lost the ability to read body language and have lost tonal awareness. The communication is raw. 

The world village - subtle differences in behaviour patterns exhibited in different geographic locations is now thrown into the bin. Globalisation and the availability of the internet have done wonders for the democratisation of behaviour. There is no expectation that a person will behave in a specific way because of the geographical location and or cultural background that they come from. The world is looked at as a village. 

Social distinction was big in the past and the only way to bridge that divide was to have an etiquette that was followed by the other side of the divide. I am glad that a lot of the distinction has been eroded but not too glad about the loss of etiquette. Luddite? Me for sticking with what is possibly the last remnant of an age gone by. Maybe; but the please and thank you still works wonders. 

C