Disappointment

We all get disappointed at some time or the other. Our standard reflex mechanism is to find fault external to us. It is but natural; i did everything but the result is… sounds familiar ?

The Gita , Wu Wei , Scripture , Philosophy all of them have the same answer to this particular issue but a majority of us are unwilling to accept it or listen or even try to comprehend the answer. I wonder why.  I get the transfer of responsibility to something or someone else, it is the easiest thing to do; however the question is not the transfer rather the question is why the transfer; what are we doing and why are we unwilling to accept universal truth.  For a little while if i was to suspend scripture (Easter and Western) and all simple constructs of logic; i would still reach the same fundamental truth. Have i peaked your attention to what ? It’s quite simple really; the truth is you often will be not in control of the results for actions that you have been totally in control of. What a simple Iine. Impossible to agree to or accept, because we are scared of what it means and implies.  As humans we are conditioned to follow a logical construct that says cause and effect. While cause and effect is true we tend to overlook all the variables involved and what governs them. Worse than the oversight is that we find it is far easier to assume certain variables as constants to fit the narration that we are in complete control and as such we see no problem in investing our emotions in the outcome that we predict is sure to be achieved. 

It is this emotional entanglement with the outcome that is the root cause of disappointment. Our mind is not ready to accept the reality that the variables are governed by something or someone else and we subconsciously substitute them to be constants based on our bias of the behaviour pattern exhibited by something or someone else.  Thus the result of the equation we started out with; substituting variables for constants, will always be incorrect and disappointing. 

This brings me to the crux of what I am getting at and what scripture and many schools of philosophy etc say. We are in control of our actions and our actions alone. Do or do not; the emotional entanglement has to be with the process of doing. One can be disappointed if one’s own effort in the action was not complete or a hundred percent. The outcome of the equation is based on other variables which one has no control on; and as such disappointment due to the variance in the limits that the variables exhibit is being unfair on one’s own effort and mental well-being. The emotional entanglement can not be with the outcome. One of course needs to have multiple plans in place to accommodate the multitude of possibilities due to the variables not in one’s control. Believing that the outcome is solely based on your gut, instinct or actions is foolhardy. 

Goals are important, they provide us with the meaning to getup and do our daily activities and actions; however the lack of attainment of a goal is not what keeps us from disappointment rather it is the enjoyment of the actions we do and an acceptance of the variables that makes the journey worthwhile. One’s emotions are invested in the art of doing. If one is sure of the actions taken then there can be no disappointment or dissatisfaction. Difficult to grasp due to the limitations of expressing the mental state efficiently in words. Neuroscience also proves that the action of doing and enjoying doing gives one a dopamine hit that is far better than the one you would get otherwise. One has to experience this concept by trying it to understand it and then make it a practice in order to get a good grasp on it. I try my best to concentrate on and enjoy my effort without looking at or worrying about the outcome, it doesn’t mean that I loose focus of the goal rather it helps me recalibrate when the outcome is less that expected and in turn keeps me from being disappointed. I did everything I could to the best of my ability and enjoyed doing it; a less than expected result only teaches me to plan better the next time around. 

Be in a state of flow where emotion is used to guide one’s actions in the journey and one stays away from emotionally getting attached to the outcome. 

C