Help

Kand hogaya / Loccha hogaya (something happened, and it is an issue) is an quintessential South East Asian phrase from the Urdu/Hindi belt that some one says to a close friend or close family when the chips are absolutely down. It is the last innings and you are facing defeat by much more than what could be measured by the proverbial mile. A mile is infinitesimal in comparison. It is not a cry for help; it is something much more when you consider the emotional overload those words carry - help is something you will ask from a stranger and hope that in the way you ask it; something sparks in the receiver and he/she goes out of the way to help you. These words are an ask for a solution to the issue from what the person considered as their people. It is probably an overloaded emotional cry for help that the person stating those words makes before they lose all hope. 

We have all done something similar in other languages - I refuse to believe that this cry is an uniquely subcontinental occurrence. What is it that compels an individual to ask for help; overload notwithstanding and why is it that the tone and request takes an absolute life of it’s own when asked this way. I am, in my circle considered to be well read (by my own evaluation I am but a novice and multiple life times of reading awaits) and I could not recall any text that I have read that covers this subject well. I guess without being pompous I could put forth an hypothesis of mine. 

I will start at the very beginning- the start of the “kand” (the issue). Most of us react to a situation. Very few will have accounted for multiple scenarios where one of the outcomes is an issue - not a risk but an issue. Both risks and issues are classified as possible negative outcomes to some action. When there is probability it is a risk. When the probability is realised it becomes an issue. When there is no plan b/c/d to overcome the issue, it is human nature to cry out for help. 99 percent of humanity cries out after the effect because there is no plan to mitigate the result that was unsatisfactory. Very few of us know that there needs to be a plan b/c/d.  Close ones jump in to salvage the resulting situation based on their experience. It is unfair to them - they probably have very little context and in some cases the actions taken by the close ones might even make the situation worse but they are the ones we turn to when in absolute distress. The background to hypotheses done. 

Now the proposition. Humans love a collective, we thrive in situations where we can help each other. It’s the knowledge sharing that makes it possible. A collective hellbent on destruction will not survive. We ask of help from people we trust. No issue is big enough to stop a group of like minded people to overcome especially when the context of the issue is know to that group. The flag might have the icon of one individual but it is the group that overcomes the issue and creates the flag as a rallying point for others that face similar issues. Very rarely is it that the individual overcomes (I wish that this was the majority - and will expand on this in a future post). The issue here is that we don’t ask for help loudly enough. The ask is almost a whimper that is best heard by our “people”. How short sighted. The ask should be loud; loud enough for a stranger to ask what is the issue and provide some solution from their point of view. It is not necessary that the solution provided fits that particular situation but it always helps that there is a different point of view. Our “people” might have a similar point of view to ours and might be unable to provide any guidance; which is why the ask has to be loud - scream if necessary any and all points of view will help. 

Our own mythological self importance is the thing that we need to overcome to be able to ask for help. I have done it - taken professional help years ago. The only way I could get around to asking for help was to come to terms with the fact that my perceived self importance was acting as an impediment to my personal growth. My ask all those years ago was a whimper - my people did not hear it (they unfortunately were on the receiving end of my anger with myself and with what I perceived as their lack of understanding -I know better now). 

Ask for help and you shall receive; the caveat is that one needs to know how to ask for help in the first place. Years after, what I perceive to be bridges burned at the alter of experience; I now know better. I will, more often than not ask for help, loudly at that; way before the situation turns to despair or goes further and gets desperate. The Beatles got it down absolutely right in “Help”. 

Do you ask for help and know when and how to ask? 

C